Pauls Rants & Revelations

I was passing by several clothing stores yesterday looking at the new and trendy things in the store windows. After passing by a few shops I started wondering why some people would buy some of the styles of things that are hanging from the windows. I know that everyones’ tastes vary but these were downright hideous garments.

For instance, I saw an absolutely awful pseudo-Hawaiian themed shirt in a popular store front window. It looked like a baby played with it in their bowl of spaghetti; and the crapped on the sleeve. I cruised inside the store to see who might buy one of these fashion accidents and I saw that display they were on was almost empty. There was one trendy looking fellow picking at the display looking for his size, so I asked him what he would buy that for. “Women love a well dressed man”, he said. Thats probably true, but for $95 I would expect some sort of manufacturer guarantee that it would get me a chick. After checking the 19 tags stapled to the shirt, I saw no such thing.

This got me thinking more about why, exactly, some people go to such lengths (and expenses) just to “look their best”. It seems that these people spend $500 on an outfit, wear it 2 hours until they attract someone at the club, and proceed to the popular “bumping uglys” portion of the evening.

I find it quite amusing that these folks spend a large amount of money to get dressed in the hopes of getting un-dressed later. Why don’t they just pay for a prostitute if that is all they are really after? Perhaps a quick breakdown of the costs (from a guys perspective) would help illustrate my point:

You could spend about $250 on your outfit for the club, $20 for a haircut, $30 for club admission, $20 for drinks for you, $40 for drinks for potential mattress mambo partners, and if you are very lucky, $20 for cab fair back to your/their place (yes, after drinking $60 in booze you would call a cab). Total costs: $380 for an evening of “fun”. All that cost, and it is possible (probable, actually) that you won’t even get anything from anyone that evening. Thats seems like a pretty expensive shot in the dark.

For a prostitute, a decent one will cost about $150. You don’t have to dress to impress, you don’t have to buy drinks, and certainly get something for your the money you spend. For half the price this would seem like a more financial sound way to go.

“But we go to clubs to hang out with friends” some would say. Do you invite your friends into your bedroom when you have a successful nookie aquisition? If yes, then you should be in films. Otherwise, just go to the club afterwards.

“But we like to romance/be romanced” some would say. Ha. How much romancing can you do when you have to scream over the music to be heard? And that warm fuzzy feeling you are getting isn’t attraction; its the 5 long island ice teas your potential shagger has been feeding you for the past half hour. This is a bit off possibly, as I know few people who can drink 5 long island’s and still stand after. But the rest is pretty accurate.

So for all the cost, all the trouble, all the hassle of “looking your best”, you are possibly not getting anything from anyone. That shirt you spent $95 on will go to waste now. If you are thinking of wearing it again, stop right there. You struck out the first time you wore so it stands to reason next time wont be any different.

And the next time you see a fancy shirt in a window or a magazine ad depicting a group of young folks having a blast at the club in the newest ‘baby mess’ style of shirt, remember one thing; those people are payed to smile. They are playing on your (probably valid) insecurities. They are counting on the fact that you are so desperate for some action that you are probably going to pay whatever price to “look your best”. Don’t fall for this.

Instead, show them you are not an insecure, stylistically helpless sheep. Strike back at the trendy stores and their ultra-hip styles by getting yourself a prostitute instead! You (probably) won’t regret it.

-Cheers